Spring Break

During my spring break, I have totally had the opportunity to relax. It's been nice to do that,. I haven't been too incredibly lazy though, as I have not slept in very late on any of the days. Here's kinda what I did to keep myslef busy:

Sat-kinda laid low. Still not feeling quite up to snuff since being off for a week of work and so sick. I am finding that I am pretty tired still. I will get my energy back though. Went to moms & did laundry all day.

Sun-Hung out at moms again. She made ame an excellent homemade dinner of meatloaf. It was awesome. Did my taxes with her new software. Man I need to get married or buy a house. A singlle girl always gets screwed by the government!

Mon-Today I totally cleaned up my house. It is nice to feel somewhat organized again. Got to watch Oprah.

Tues-Caught up on my blog a large part of the day. Worked on portfolio.

Wed-Went to lunch with dad. Went to the grocery. Going to make more of an effort to eat healthy. Therefore, went to Krogers and bought stuff to make stir fry. Yum!Stayed up late and got a lot of stuff done on portfolio.Yeah!

Thurs-Finished up portfolio. So glad that it is not over my head anymore. Only have to do the videotaping segments next week at school and I willbe able to mail it off.Good riddance.

Fri-Mom taking the day off of work to hang out.

Sat-Going to Indy to visit. Haven't raised hell for awhile. I am excited to go on a little road trip for spring break, even if it is only an hour & 1/2 away.

Sun-I don't know yet. However, it's supposed to be awesome weather out so I am going to make sure that Casey goes on a nice, long walk.

More venting

"If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it." ~Olin Miller

So I have to go on a little more and more about my displeasure of this portfolio task. I find it interesting that the state has us new teachers do something like this. By this time, they should know that one of the secrets of being a good educator is our ability to mutli-task beautifully. However, I find this whole process of writing up a 30+ page report pretty dumb. I understand the reason why we are supposed to reflect on the paast 2 years, I get that. However, I don't understand how they think that my schedule has time to do something like this AND teach. The only time to really make time for something like this is to use my free time. I thought actually having some free time & tryting to lead a BALANCED life was supposed to be something that we aspire to. However, I am an all or nothing type of person. You see, I am not a "little bit at a time" type of girl. Case in point: either my house is clean or it's not. For instance, I do not pick up as I go along. By all means, I am NOT a straightener. Instead, I am a cleaner. I wait patiently for a wave of productivity to come over me to an effort reinvent my house into a clean area. You can ask any roommate that I have ever had, they will agree with you that I am this way. I have learned to accept myself this way.

Perhaps that is why I am feverishly trying to finish this thing by noon today?
Oh well, gotta take advantage of the wave of productivity I guess......hee hee

Spring Break Procrastination

"If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done."
~Author Unknown

So a little more time for some procrastination this morning. I was on a blogging role the other day in an effort to not work on the inevitable task that I have of creating a portfolio of my last 2 years work in teaching. It's pretty funny when I think about it. I have spent more time on spring break procrastinating this whole thing than anything else. However, last night I did make a lot of leeway(sp?) & got a ton of stuff done. I am best when I am under pressure. I have told myself that I will not work on this thiung this weekenmd & when it starts getting nice. Today it's supposed to be fgabulous out, so I am typing away at a schedule that will have me having this whole 30 page thing done by noon, so that I might be able to enjoy this blessed weather.
I will be making more of an effort to blog more. It fels so good to write. Perhaps thats why I have been so crotchety lately; I haven't made enough time for myself & my writing. I definitely need to make time for this, as the benefits far outweigh the other. Welp. I am gonna do a couple more entries today. I will not have time the rest of my break. Mom is taking off work tomorrow to enjoy some time with Natalie & I being off of school. More pics to come. Going over to moms house to retrieve some!

32, and counting

In my younger years I always thought that women who worried about their age were incredibly vain and stupid. I have always said that I couldn't wait until I was in my 30's. I guess I have always felt like I would have everything together by then... I wouldn't worry what people thought of me, I would fully understand why I am who I am and why I do what I do. I would just relax, like the work of figuring out who I was would be over.

But this upcoming birthday is kicking my ass. I know that my life is going fine...I finally figured out what I want to do with my career and where I want to live and what is important to me (being near family-- didn't see that one coming). All of this is good. Why am I so depressed?
Age is a state of mind, I know. You are as old as you feel, right? Well, I feel too young to feel this old. I feel too unfinished for 32. I'm not who I hoped I'd be in a lot of ways. I'm getting wrinkles. I am too impulsive. I don't think things through. I don't save money. I don't eat breakfast. I never live up to my "potential". Etc.

I am hoping that this malaise is just birthday induced and that I will snap out of it. I'll keep you posted.

Morning Commute

My drive into work is incredible. Have I ever mentioned how beautiful my commute is? I drive twenty minutes to work every morning at about seven in the morning. The other morning the temperature was forty degrees. This meant that I drove up a mostly deserted highway surrounded by frozen fields and big, icy trees. I listened to some Norah Jones and peaced out. I joke to friends that I could never quit my job, the commute is too wonderful.

The lightbulb is on

"Victory is not won in miles, but in inches. Win a little now, and later win a little more"
---Louis L'Amour
I wonder why it is so hard to forget what you know. Like, I knew that the second half of the year is so much easier than the first, but I still fell into the December hole. All December I felt useless as a teacher-- it was hard to get over.
But now, at the end of March, I feel great. I guess it takes half a year for the vibe to work itself out in the classroom and for the kids to really trust you and get what you are trying to do. I have had some really cool conversations with my kids last week-- some about school stuff and some not. And when I came into school on Friday I had kids all over the place saying, "Miss Hock, Miss Hock!" Like they missed me! It felt really good.

Things are awesome right now.

Bad Dream

I was really anxious about coming back to work last week after being sick & off work for 4 days. I'm not sure why. But the night before last I even had nightmares about it again. I dreamed that it was the first day of school and I woke up three hours late. Then I was in my classroom and there was trash everywhere, (no doubt my insecurities with being disorganized) the kids were running around, and my boss stopped by to tell me "not to be so mean to the kids."
It was awful. I just felt unprepared and anxious. I woke up nervous. Then I got to school and couldn't figure out why I felt that way. Everything was fine. I know what I am doing. It's weird. What the heck?

Tasks

"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries."
---A.A Milne I have been feeling a little buried in silly (but necessary) tasks. I am remembering this and forgetting that. I keep waiting for it to end, but then I remind myself that life is just a whole litany of tasks to get done. Life is very deadline heavy. Not so horrible. I just hope I can get it all done.
In order to soothe my burdened soul I have been getting all of the PBS reality shows on Netflix. I have worked my way through the 1800 House, the 1900 House, and the Frontier House. These are the shows where they take a modern family and make them live "exactly" how they did back in whatever century they are dealing with.
I love how different people handle being put back into a different century. I think it is funny how certain people fall apart (usually the women because being a woman back then is just awful) but I am a sucker for how much they learn and change through the whole series. I always get emotional and join them in thinking about how our society is so disconnected and obsessed with material things. It seems really attractive to just sit with your family in a parlor and create games together instead of playing video games and not speaking to one another. But then I remember that they also get up at four in the morning to milk goats and don't have tampons at their disposal.....hmmmm

The act of questioning

"I am always ready to learn, but I do not always like being taught"
---Winston Churchill

So I joke around with one of my co-workers that I have a "question a day" to ask her. The funny thing about it is that I don't always want to hear the answer. Yes, I want to learn & become better at what I am doing in life, but I am not always in the frame of mind of being taught.
A friend and I were on the phone recently talking about about relationships. (relationships in general, not neccessarily men/women)We talked about the act of questioning and how valuable it is in life. However, questioning is 10 more valuable a lot of times if you listening to the answer instead of just venting with the act of questioning or "hearing oneself out."

Cable Heaven

"Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority."
---Thomas Huxley

Since I ordered high-speed internet and cable television...I feel like I have entered a whole new stage of luxury. My bed might be broke and I can't seem to afford rising heat prices, but I am able to check my email at home (no more daily trips to the public library sitting next to men trying to sneakily look at porn!) and watch endless Baby/Makeover Story.
The cable tv was an extra that I wasn't anticipating. Sure, I might've had to bat my eyes a couple of times at the geeky cable guy, but it wasn't like glorified prostitution or anything. Yes, I may have pretended that I didn't know what he was doing when he spliced all of my cables in order to get access in every room of my apartment, but come on----wouldn't you?
However, there's always a catch. Many people have asked about my inentions of my apartment in the hood. When am I moving? Apparently, I have expressed to most everyone that I will be mature about this moving process & do it over the summer. (move out) Little do they know that my free cable is making me want to stay? I mean, I am saving 60 bucks a month. I even have all the movie channels. No need to kick a gift horse in the mouth if you ask me!!!!

Reflection

"Education is not the filling of a pail but the lighting of a fire"
---William Butler Yeats

So I am still procrastinating on this portfolio thing. One of the thing that I have to "reflect" on is my experience with professional development. I am supposed to assert what I have elarned from my professional development experiences thus far, yada, yada, yada.

So here is where I digress a bit (of course)The insane thing about some workshops on how to teach is how badly taught they are. I mean, really. Can you not feel foolish saying to a to a group of teachers, "No one can sit still and listen to lectures for hours at a time. People must get up and move and be engaged on several levels to learn" who have been sitting still listening to lectures for hours at a time?

I went to a workshop earlier this year and I didn't get out of my seat. It was an all day workshop. The workshop was on how to use lots of different techniques to teach different learners. And all they did was lecture. I don't believe that my personal learning style was taken into consideration at all. I would have killed to get up and stick stickers next to my predictions for the day. It would have been nice to hold an index card with a definition on it and then have to search for the person holding the word. Imagine the freedom in writing ideas down on sentence strips and having to arrange them in order.

These were the ideas they taught. I just wish they had taught the way they were teaching us to teach. Instead of listening to them drone on and on. Instead, I passed notes to fellow co-workers. I also wrote haikus in my notebook. I also whispered when I was supposed to be quiet. See what happens?

Reading

"Reading to the mind, what exercise is to the body"
---Joseph Addison

I have not done a lot of reading or exercising lately. I need to get back in the saddle again. In fact, today, I plan on going back to the gym & ordering some book off of ebay while I have the time on Spring Break.
I have not been to the gym for over a month. I was spending time on being the manager at a creative problem-solving troupe at school and neglected myself. I am positive that that is why I got so sick last week and was off school for 4 days with the actual flu. I haven't been that sick for a long time. I think it was my body's way of saying "slow down Starr!!!" I have learned that if I do not make time for myself that I will get sick. Living a "balanced" life is a little easier said than done though. (of course)At any rate, I know think that I have enough energy to go back to the gym and start my habit of healthy living again. I had had huge expectations of trying the mini this year but got side-tracked with school responsibilities and illness. I think that I am going to forfeit it tyhis year, There just isn't enough time to train. However, I still plan on hitting the gym as hard as I did last summer break. Perhaps I can find another mini over the summer. Who knows?
I also plan on getting back into reading. Part of living a balanced life is to take time for myself & reading relaxes me soooooo much.

Questions

"It is better to ask some of the questions than to know all of the answers."
---James Thurber


I am having a blast on Spring Break: not!! In the state of indiana there is a new rule that says that all new teachers have to do a portfolio documenting the first 2 years of their teaching career. It's basically a new rule that requires me to jump through some more hoops. My guess is that it is punishment for those of us that have gone through a transition to teaching program & did not have undergrads in education. However, everyone has to do it if you graduated after the year 2002. After I am done with this 30 pages of fun, then I will not have to renew my license until 5 years like everyone else. I now have an initial practicioners license until June 20th.
Anyway, enough of the boring logistics. The bottom line is that I wish I could just give them the web address for my blogspot. It would be a lot easier and a hell of a lot more meaningful (if you're asking me) than a formal-looking portfolio. I wish that the portfolio scorers could look at my weblog and see that there is a lot of journaling that I have already done on my own versus a formal "commentary". I am already a reflective practicioner; otherwise I would not have selected this crazy profession to go into!!! hee hee
I just find the whole process interesting in the fact that I am expected to have answers for things that I have not had enough time to question. Two years of teaching is just the tip of a huge iceberg. I know why they want new teachers to reflect, don't get me wrong. However, I am feeling a little too "heady" now to assert that I know answers to some of the things that I am just beginning to question.....It's a process is all I'm saying. An antiquated portfolio will not demonstrate what I have learned in teaching.......but a reflective weblog just might.....hee hee

March

"Some days you tame the tiger. And some days the tiger has you for lunch."
---Tug McGraw

So I have come to the realization that March is the hardest month of teaching. I think this for a couple of reasons:
1) You (the teacher) is trying to fit in some of the most difficult concepts of the year around this time that not all the kids are neccessarily developmentally-ready for.

2)You are starting to run out of time & the kids are starting to get squirrelly as the weather is getting warmer & getting closer to Spring Break. All of the best lesson plans go staring out the window on the first warm day.

3) Spring Conferences.
Spring conferences are never good. Since spring conferences are scheduled by my discretion & by teacher invitation only, it is a time of worry and frustration to tell parents things that that really don't want to hear. My job is to speak politically correct instead of just saying to them: "Listen- I eat, breathe, and live your kid: just trust me in what I have to say."
Overall, I can honestly say that my conferences went very well & I worried more than I needed to. However, I don't think that I have run into the tiger that's gonna eat me for lunch......yet. I am hopeful that I will not run into this. However, the year isn't over yet.....

Kindness

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love."
---Lao Tzu

So this month I have been giving a lot of thought about kindness and it's effectiveness. I know that I have always heard the saying that you get more done
"with sugar versus vinegar", but it is so true. Case in point: I probably say at least 5 times a day that "I need students to sit up nice and tall." After all, a first grade little body can become contorted in a chair/desk all day & it's hard sometimes to sit still. However, I will have a much better response of me request if I do not nag a particular child to sit correctly in their chair (ie-not lean back) but instead give the child sitting next to them a complement on how they are sitting. All of sudden, 21 other little ones will sit perfectly; including lean back boy.
I test this theory as much as possible. Whether it's giving a compliment to the grocery bagger or stroking another's ego, its a full proof plan that I didn't used to take as much advantage of. Hail kindness!

February

"Success isn't measured by the the position you reach in life; it's measured by the obstacles that you overcome."
---Booker T. Washington

So I got some bad news about Casey while off for President's Day. I took her to the vet for an eye infection. I have sworn for the last couple of months that she is getting a cataract. However, the vet always says that things look fine and not to worry about it. This particular day when I took her though, the vet said that she wanted to run some tests. This is never good to hear. She called me a couple of days later to inform me that her cell count was off & most likely that it's lymphoma. She told me the alternatives (all expensive of course). I have decided to let her go all natural and not opt for any of the medicines. However, I have completely changed her diet. I guess that I didn't have any idea as to how bad that pet food can be. Therefore, I am hoping that healing her holistically might be an option. I know that there isn't any healing her. However, I simply cannot put her down until I know that she is in pain. Therefore, it is my hope that making her as comfortable as possible will make a difference. She is eating like a king. It occurred to me the other day that I am spending more money on my dog's diet than I am on my own. Oh well, its' something that I should have done a long time ago. I will know from here on out how important canine nutrition is. I think I took it for granted before. However, in my defense, I didn't know that much about it. Knowledge is power in that respect.

Anyway, February I have been staying pretty close to home in order to monitor Casey's behavior. My biggest fear has been that something could happen while I am at work. Therefore, I am trying to make the most of the time that we have left by spoiling her rotten. Who knows how long it will pay off? Mom has a friend that feeding her dog holistically cured her. I can only be hopeful for there is no other way to be!!!

January

"To be conscious my son, that you are ignorant is a giant step to knowledge"--Benjamin Disraeli

Let's face it: I am a quote whore. I enjoy starting out my e mails with a main idea. Perhaps it is the plight of the 1st grade teacher to make sure that everything has a "beginning, middle, and end". I guess that I am anal about it. Anyway, in an effort to catch everyone up on the last couple of months, I am trying to post by month. January is kinda a hard month. For my job, a lot of hard decisions have to start being made; ie- retention. It's a catch-22 type of scenario really. There is really no right or wrong answer. However, my conflict-avoidance personality disorder rears its ugly head around this time of year because it's so hard to tell a parent not only the truth, but many times the brutal truth. I am convinced that I was brought to teaching to not be so passive-aggressive. While I have made strides at making this change, I constantly still second-guess myself. At least I am willing to admit that my ignorance and "greenness" as a teacher is a stepping stone to knowledge though. I realize that I will get better and better at this each year. I don't think it will make it any easier though......

Anyway, enough about my philosophizing about the future. I have made some resolutions this year for school:

1. Don't let it get personal in the classroom. I want to not take it so personally when parents are jerks. It seems the only way to survive.

2. Be more prepared. If they are busy, they behave better. I know this.

3. Volunteer more: get off my bootie.

4. Make more parent phone calls. A couple every day, maybe.

5. Be nicer. Can a 1st grade teacher ever be nice enough though? It's a lot of pressure to keep a smiling face sometimes.....hee hee

Back on this thing......

I know that I haven't been on this thing for a long time. It seems as if I am on a roll of only getting on this thing when I am not in school. This week is Spring Break, so it's now only fitting that I post like 10 blogs to catch everyone up with myso-called exciting life. I won't apologize for not blogging, only say that I have not had time at the end of the day to update everyone. My hope is that this become a regular thing over the summer, when I have more time to dedicate to it. I wish thatI had one of those cool blogs that had the cool links to interesting articles and fun sites to go to. However, there just isn't enough hours in the day! I haven't even given my techie friends this blogspot address due to the fact that my pales in comparison to the sites that they frequently update & manage. Oh well, such is life. I will have more pictures up by the end of the week.